To my other half.

 

There is something in me that was made for you, 

There is something in me that cant keep going without you. 

I will love you with with every beat of my heart, 

Even if its broken, 

I will hold you in the cracks and crevices of each tiny pieces.

You can be the glue that keeps me together,

And I will fill you up with love.

I will take your shaking body and shield you from the cold,

I will be the shelter, the armor you wear around you,

I will protect your soul like its part of my own.

I will be the silence in your chaos, 

Your strength in weakness, 

The moon in your darkness. 

I love you, sayang.

xxx
23/2/18 3.19pm

Random feels

I nak membebel random feels. I have all these feelings yg I tak dapat nak express kan through words/action and I tak tahu how to get rid of it. I macam dok shuuhhhhkan all this to the end corner of my brain (heart) and hoping I wont be too bothered.

I macam clingy gila rindu laki I after beranak especially now that we're away and jumpa pun skali skala tapi bila jumpa tu, macam we're obviously akan more focus on Ayra. Cam, bukan la feel negleted ke apa sebab dia layan je I cuma maybe I ni extra clingy sangat kot? I want more more more attention and affection acewah.

Dulu selalu ada post sweet sweet untuk I, slalu rajin tangkap random pictures of me, randomly puji puji i sampai I blushing, monthlysary post. I kind of miss all those random cheesy things. I tahu I am loved regardless, its just that sometimes I like to be reminded of that. Tapi I slalu pujuk diri sendiri je la sebab this is really petty, kan? My husband is busy working for our little family, so my nonsense feelings seems, irrelevant. And lama jugak tak ambil gambar sweet sweet together, miss!

I strongly really think that every couple need to have their 'our' time once/twice a month for them to rekindles all the sparks and butterflies. Midnight talks, date night or just random appreciation stuff so both will feel loved & being reminded of that will surely enlighten all the fire & sparks more. But, that is just my humble opinion. Most probably sebab I tak suka fikir salah seorang akan hilang rasa bila kita xselalu buat. Alah biasa tegal biasa kan? So kalau dah asyik biasa ignore sebab dua dua rasa oh takpe dia tahu aku sayang dia, lama lama mungkin benda tu akan jad normal & no more expressing of love anymore. and, that is sad you know. Busy macam mana pun, take time to express love & appreciation. Benda ni bukan apply kat couple je pun. Kat family, kat kawan kawan. Same concepts.

Ya Allah I ada banyak lg benda lain nak fikir sebenarnya kenapa lah ini jugak yang I fikir. Kadang2 I selalu fikir kenapa la I ni shallow & petty sangat? Why cant I broaden my mind a little bit and fikir benda benda berfaedah. Why cant I be fun? Why cant I be more organized, more intelligent? Huh. Kadang2 tak percaya I dah beranak and ada Ayra skrang. Like, ME? REALLY? I rasa I lembap kot. Diri sendiri pun tak betul, nak didik anak pulak. Ughh...all this insecurities feelings semoga tak memakan diri sendiri satu hari nanti.

Pastu i teringin sangat nak ambil video video moment precious Ayra membesar & also husband I & I untuk kenangan I tp slalu tak jadi. Macam mana eh orang siap boleh create cantum cantum video jd movie lagi. I mcm slalu rasa xjadi lpastu end up ambil gambar je. Tapi i nak video! Eh mengada. Faham tak betapa masalahnya diri ini! bila tak ada apa apa bakat?

Oh well.

My boss once asked me, lepas da beranak ni siapa lagi penting. I cakap la, dua dua penting lah. Lepastu dia tanya I siapa I paling sayang. Eh, tanya soalan macamtu dia tahu ke susah? Lol tapi I jawab husband I. Why?

Before Ayra, there was him. Always him.

Ok lah random feels ends here. Till next random feels xxx

23/2/18 2.18pm

February, month of love they said.

Time goes by, so fast. Pantang story, tak sempat cerita lah & dah malas hahaha. Anyway, my baby girl just turned 3 months old! She is definitely a bundle of joy in my life & has turned my life 360degrees (in good way). Here is some progress of my little one, am a proud mommy.

 

1. She is such a good baby. Sleeps well at night, only woke me up when she wants milk.

2.She has develop her own time table of waking up, playtime, nap time. She will usually woke up arnd 9am & this period is my favourite because she will responds to morning wishes with her cheeky smile & bright eyes I always melt right away. Will took her for a bath & play a bit before she' back asleep for her nap time arnd 11am.

3.Whenever we go out, she'll behave in the car seat. Cried for milk only then back in the car seat/sleep. I think she's afraid of the dark a bit. There is one time she cried for hours inside the car (12hrs journey) because of night time & motorcycles sound.

4.She is now starting to lift her head up & tries to grab things. Cant wait for her to start lie on her tummy herself. Mommy excited.

5.Pampers dah size S since 2 months+

 

6.Manja dengan daddy more than mommy. Cheeky level highest! Tahap manja tu sampai video call tersengih sengih selalu & merajuk everytime daddy is home sebab lama tak jumpa.

My life now revolves around this tiny creature.

Asyik terfikir nak beli macam2 untuk Ayra. In need of a new travel compact stroller, some playmat & toys for her. Kesian dia xbeli pun lagi new toys for her to play around. Altho I actually have bought too much clothes kot but I suka! Oh well.

I rasa... I always felt a bit hmm, lembap on this parenting stuff. Kadang down la sendiri. Sebab I takut tak dapat ajar dia apa yang patut. Like, is she progressing ok? Apa lg I kene ajar? Macam mana nak ajar ni? What did I miss? Dahla I xpernah urut Ayra so does that make me a bad mom? I macam...haih dilemma tau. I want all the knowledge for me to give the best to her but I macam lembap.. u feel meh? At this moment, all I can do is one step at a time I guess & deal with all this insecurities myself. Hoping for the best!

xxx

22/2/18 4.40pm