Kau pernah ada dalam satu situation yang kau rasa sangat content? Tapi at the same time kau rasa sangat guilty? Tapi, kau sebenarnya tak tahu pun apa yang kau patut buat. Sebab kau tak tahu kau nak jaga hati kau ke kau nak jaga hati orang. Tapi kau pun ada prinsip yang taknak orang sakit sebab kau. So, macam entah. Kau dalam satu situation stuck yang benda ni asyik main dalam kepala kau. Sama ada kau mampu buat tatahu atau kau makin stuck. Sebab kau betul betul in the level of content, and you're not ready to lose it all, just yet.
Aku ada sorang kawan baik lelaki, yang aku tak pernah pun imagine friendship kita ni akan sampai tahap macam ni. Eh, serious. Bak kata dia, kalau ada graph yang catat turun naiknya friendship kita ni, skrg ni tgk on top ah gitu. And, I think I am cool with that. Its like having a brother, a friend that you can count in whatever situation. Someone yang kau memang takyah nak bajet bajet, yang kau selesa gila babi ah, someone yang kau memang jadik diri kau yang selekeh childish messy blur dan seangkatannya. Kau tahu tak best dapat macam tu? That kinda friendship. Aku pernah rasa hilang dia and dia pun pernah rasa hilang aku. And somehow, we re-united back and its like the bond is stronger than before. And I dont think I am ready to lose it all. Cumanya, aku tetap kene ready kan? There goes the part where I have to think about others, and not just me. So, he got his girlfriend, and aku pun tetap kene respect girlf dia (and I did respect) No matter what, a good friend should do that right? Tak baik sakitkan hati orang lain sebab kita nak happy kan? Ahh. Stucked. Dengan ada satu suara yang asyik bisik dalam kepala "tak baik kacau bf orang" tapi aku punya kawan baik je la, bukan nak rampas. aku siap doakan lagi kot yng baik baik, mana ada pernah tak support. Tapi suara tu betul semak hahahaha.
There's a very very very thin line, that both of us know and aware of. We're pretty awesome in acknowledge that kan? Haha. A friendship so precious like this would be wasted to throw it all away. Kau percaya tak kalau aku cakap friendship is one thing that keep us sane. At least, what kept me sane since I no longer believe in the idea of love in relationships. If you knew me now, you would know how I kept saying i want to stay out of love or relationship because they sucks. (They still sucks haha) But this, this bond that we have, it made me feel content. Ever experienced that? A friendship bond that you just glad you are among many people that managed to experience that. A true friend that, made they called you soulmate. And aku pun baru tahu soulmate tu bukan cuma untuk boyf/girlf. A true friend can also be considered as soulmate.
Aku selalu percaya makna kawan tu lebih dari cinta. Lebih lebih besar. Tapi besar mana pun, tetap akan kene mengalah dengan cinta. Because cinta adalah lebih essential dalam hidup. Dan which means aku akan kene mengalah dgn cinta, dan aku akan tetap kene terima yang kita takkan selama lamanya boleh macam ni kan? Ada hati kena jaga, and knowing me, heh selalu akan sibukkan org dari diri sendiri. So yeah. I just need to express how grateful I am to have this bro soul friendship. Terima kasih sebab selalu ada wktu aku perlu, selalu layan waktu aku merapu dan selalu ada at the right timing. Semoga sahaja Tuhan pelihara persahabatan kita, walaupun kita mungkin takkan tahu apa yang akan jadi in the future. You're one of the precious people that I will always keep in my heart, and you will always be in my prayer. Aku sayang kau ah kawan baik.
Antara kawan dan cinta, mungkin kau patut pilih cinta. True love, not that easy to find yknow. Jangan waste it. Tapi takpe, kawan tetap takkan hilang pun. Kawan tetap akan support, as long as it made you happy. This time, i'll be sticking around for your wedding, insyaAllah.
So there you go. Situasi stuck yang aku tak tahu aku da hurai jadi apa dah sebenarnya sekarang. Cumanya, I really feel calm and content. And, its a good feeling. Its just that I have this habit of satisfying EVERYONE. Tu yang susah tu. Oh well, at least i already express this so I feel lighter. Aku belum sedia untuk hilang lagi apa yang aku ada sekarang, tapi aku dah prepare. Perhaps.
Tengah time of the month, yes I get emotional and over react ha-ha. But this time around, its a good emotional one.
Untuk sama sama ada di setiap jatuh bangun kita. Deal?
*insert muka comel*
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