The last of it,

My random question to Izzul--

"Kau belum ada rasa nak kahwin kan? Taknak kahwin kan?"
"Takyahla kahwin dulu. Takyah fikir dulu"

Haha. Teman aku.
Or maybe teman aku sampai aku rasa comfortable alone.
Lepastu kau kahwin. Hahahaha.

Atleast, aku tahu kau sentiasa ada.

I really cant afford losing anymore people I am attached to.
Screw being attach with people. Not now.
Not until I really get myself together, which is betul betul OK with being alone.
Bukan cuma sekadar cakap dekat mulut.

Cukup dah orang yang aku attached sekarang. Those of em give me happiness and a life that I am sure to treasure until my last breath.
Sebab untuk melepaskan (walau bukan seluruhnya) adalah payah.
Payah, yang kau tetap akan lakukan sebab kau sayang dan kau akan lebih happy tengok diorang happy.

I talk a lot about being alone lately that it consumes me.
Bad.
Sebenarnya, kalau kau betul kenal aku, kau akan tahu betapa fragile nya aku kat dalam walaupun kat luar aku sikit punya acah kuat.
Dan, aku tetap takkan mengaku. Hah.

There's a reason I said I'd be happy alone.
It wasn't cause I thought I'd be happy alone.
It was because I thought if I loved someone and then it fell apart, I might not make it.

Its easier to be alone.

Main ngelat untuk amik yang senang je. Tapi, really.
Menjadi perempuan ampuh yang pura pura kuat ni bukan senang rupanya.
Lol.

"Susah nak biasakan diri, kena berdikari berdiri atas kaki sendiri. Tak biasa bila tak ada orang nak manja manja kan aku. Susah tau nak jalan mana sana sini, tak biasa sangat. Tapi mungkin ada hikmahnya, mungkin perlu lebih matang dalam kenali dunia, kenali diri, dan mungkin merangkak dari jatuh ini untuk ke bahagia nanti akan lebih manis, siapa tahu? Kan?"

----

Gosh. I feel like a whiny girl these few weeks. Even I, get annoyed with myself.
Mampus,

This space is not for me to meroyan 24/7. However its still the only space I can really pour my heart out.
(That is why aku dah tak advertise blog dekat FB hahahah)
Kengkonon nak private la hahaha.

Aku lupa, betapa free, and satu kepuasan everytime aku tulis. I should write more. And not just whines and sad stories.

Janji, start esok i'll keep myself together.
Put a sincere smile.
And just live the life as what HE has scripted for me.
A script that I myself dont know the story line.
It should have been interesting, nay?

Keep an open heart. Keep an open mind.
Paling tidak pun, bersyukur masih bernyawa, bukan?
----

"Words for comfort, words to love, words to express pain. That's why we are here once again."

I wrote this because im bored, and too many things lingering in my head I just need to let it out and dont come back.

4-May// 12pm