19/7

Ya, menulis adalah salah satu cara kita hamparkan rasa sedih dengan cara yang tidak begitu dramatik.

Heh, agreed. Dan kita pun selalu jumpa diri kita menulis, bila tengah kusut, sedih dan ada satu perasaan nak luah tapi tak mampu luah. Cuma sekadar perlu untuk di tulis buat penyejuk hati pelega minda.

So what's up? 

You remember I once said about this one rule about flirtationship/scandal? I always stress on that rule. You can flirt all you want, just dont fall. Whoever fall, he/she lose. And I am pretty damn good in not falling. I kept my guard very high, i keep my wall from brick to not let anyone enters. Because I know, I can be really fragile once I fall. And by fragile, I mean all those emotional cheesy stupid annoying psycho feeling will come knocking down and mess up with my life. However, I dont know whether it has started eaten me alive. How strong is strong not to fall?

No, I haven't fall obviously. I still have plenty amount of ego and my wall is still very high that no one can climb through it unless of course, they were that goood. Its just that I have these annoying feeling that I shouldn't have. And I cant quite put into words what is that. A sudden something bugs me, and I am acting cool but I think it started to get obvious. I think. But no one seems to notice which is okay. But knowing me, some day its still gonna explode.

I get upset but not upset enough to let people know but cant help to reflect into my moods. So yeah, that is why its annoying. I dont like to get upset about this. 

Why do you treat things like its a game? Someone once asked me this. Simple, I just dont want to get hurt. But now, either way, foresee hurt is part of the process as well. Cant escape. With every happiness, there's hurt. You just have to decide its worth it or not.

No one seems to notice my weird behavior today. Good. I should get back on track. Getting too attach that it consumes me somehow. Calming but dangerous. Line is drawn but why do I feel like we are getting tangled in the line? And I am not sure what does that means. I love the normality and whatever it is just need to get rid of unnecessary baggage.

I should'nt let any emotions messes up everything. My emotions are not to be trusted. My ego are. Ego protects me, I hope. Once I started let my emotions take control, I will start feeling that I am never worthy for anyone, never enough and never be accepted. And I started to feel slightly a bit like that. No more after this. Buckle up on the ego shall we?

It is a good thing that I get upset, but I easily be okay back. I just need a little time to cool down the upset feeling, and pour it out so I'll be me again. Like, now. :)

Being single is fun, but fun also comes with dangerous little things. It is an adventure, roller coaster ride ups and down and idk, I am still loving it. People said, enjoy the ride until you reach the point you want to stop and exchange rides.

There, haven't write for so long and it feels good. 

Till then,xx