The day you were born-- Qaisara Ayra

My (our) bundle of joy was born 18-Nov-2017 & named Qaisara Ayra Bt Mohd Zulhilmi.
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Lets talk about the delivery, shall we? Just for my memory purposes. Nanti dah tua boleh la baca balik & rekindles back the experience (sakit gila) & to show Ayra that how mommy & daddy struggled for her to see the world. (although you're such a sweetheart but it is still a struggle).

My due date is on 16-Nov and my water 'bocor' betul2 on 16-Nov right after Zuhr prayer. The lucky thing is, Alex is already on his annual leave so he is 24/7 at home and will always ready for me to 'pop'. So, ditched my work (bye bye work, see you in another 2 month) & went straight to HSI. Eh, balik rumah dulu pack things & then baru pergi HSI hehe. Btw, HSI is WAY BETTER than Hospital Melaka.

Registered --> Wait for doctor to check up (around 40mins) --> Opening only 1cm

But... I still have to be admitted because my water already broke so they needed to monitor my progress. Day 1 being hospitalized & I have'nt felt any contraction yet so mood masih happy happy hai bila baby nak keluar come mommy tak sabar ni hahaha. Sebab government hospital, Alex only allowed to be there until 7pm je so he went back and its just me in the hospital there. But I never felt alone as I knew he is just one phone call away (I love love my husband, he's the best). Day 1 is actually indifference as no contractions and I felt normal. The bilik was quite nice also, it was 4 beds in a room with 2 bathroom. Actually, quite convenient.

The next day, Day 2 17-Nov the nurses check for opening and it still 1 cm. Duh, no contraction so I assume no opening kan. Kena la induce. First induce with hope ada bukaan & contraction. Only at 12pm Alex able to come in. My mom also came in during this time. I remember my last craving is *drum rolls* spicy chicken mcdeluxe! & Alex get it for me. I started to feel 5mins contraction that evening & still managed to eat spicy chicken mcdeluxe like a bawse. Haha was hopping lil one to come out today because of the date 171117 (sadly that didnt happened she wasnt ready yet). Contractions makin kerap but it is either it wasn't so kuat or I am already biasa with pain because it felt bearable. Somewhat people keep saying its unbearable so I confuse masa tu. Tapi, sakit lah I tak nafikan tapi bearable. Lagi2 Alex ada sebelah, so I kuat dalam lemah? Lol. I think my CTG is just 60-80? Pukul 7pm, Alex dah kena balik dah. Its just me & the contractions. And oh, lil one who's not ready to come out yet. Everytime check she is doing good inside. Malam tu check bukaan cuma 2cm. Frustrated sangat rasa masa ni cam cepatlahh beranakk I am so tired moral dah down jugak la sbb contraction pun da start sakit I da asyik jalan2 kat luar bilik konon nak cepatkan bukaan but when it didnt work, sumpah frust. Pujuk baby suruh keluar cepat and malam tu tak boleh nak tidur sebab sakit contractions tu. Merengek rengek sendiri kat katil & baca rabbi yassir walatu assir constantly.

The next day, Day 3 18-Nov check bukaan only 3 cm but yeay finally they will tolak me to labour room. At least, some progress right? So Alex pagi2 dah sampai sebab takut I beranak and dia takde. (He is tired also for the wait ulang alik hospital rumah & juggling between his parents as well). HSI ni yang best bila kat labour room, suami dah bole teman isteri dah so yeay again, I wont be alone.

Dah masuk labour room, I cannot do anything dah. no eat, no toilet no jalan jalan dah. They induced me again (around 12pm) through drip pulak this time & this is where the sakit-gila contractions started.Macam senggugut tp 100x lagi sakit, its true. I pegang tangan Alex macam hape dah setiap kali contractions tu datang. At first the pain is only 99%-120% if we refer to the CTG machine. Sakit sangat tapi I still try to bear the pain but bukaan cuma 4cm dalam pukul 2pm macamtu. EH sakit tu memang tak ingat benda lain dah sebenarnya bila nak menahan sakit tu. Patutla kena ada orang kat sebelah sebab dia kena ingatkan kita to keep calm, baca rabbi yassir waltuassir. I am so thankful husband I ada skali bcs I swear I would not make it if its not because of him. There's a point the CTG reach up to 140% so the nurses asked me to take injection. Up to this day I dont know if its painkiller or sleeping injection because I fell asleep during my contractions after that. And Alex said the CTG reach 160%. WHO FELL ASLEEP DURING HER CONTRACTIONS? FUNNY STORY. But blessings also I dont have to bear the contractions pain.

I think I sedar around 4pm macamtu and asked the nurse "dah berapa cm?" with a very lalok voice. (the ubat make me feel very lalok guys, its funny really if u see me in that condition). Even Alex said its funny haha. Anyway nurse cakap, "Dah 8cm" and I was like "Ohhh, 8cm? (with a lalok way also)" and i sambung tidur. I think masa ni Alex pergi solat Asar.

Then I woke up again because I felt the SO SO SO SO MUCH PAIN to buang air besar which I assume tu la tanda nak beranak kena push. So I asked the nurse "Nurse, nak berak, boleh ke?" and she replied " bukaan 8cm awak nak cuba push dulu? Boleh." It was 5 something something. Alex was besides me and asked me to push so I push. But macam didnt work because I didnt push hard enough (I tak reti push).

Dalam 2 mins macamtu still xkeluar I cakap kat nurse "Nurse, try lagi lah nanti eh. Macam tak boleh je. (again with a lalok voice & my blur face)".

Hahah agaknya nurse and Alex terpinga kot masa I cakap mcamtu haha tapi depa ikutkan je. Hee nurse tu macam "okay, nanti nak try lagi bagitahu". 

Haha I pun cam okay la, I sambung layan sakit tu sampai I rasa tak tahan gila nak buang air lagi sebab sakit yang amat. Rasanya stgh jam je kot dr first try. I cakap la kat nurse tu I nak try lagi skali sbb sakit sangat. So the 2nd try, I still cannot push properly tak cukup nafas and salah teknik. I keep on tarik nafas and push but alex keep on,

"Nafas lepas ikut perut, jangan ikut mulut"

"Dah push lah ni, dah ikut perut la ni. nak apa lagi?!"

Haha padahal memang I tak reti push. Damn that was REALLY HARD. I dah nak give up lagi tapi ada lagi sorang nurse masuk and terus marah sebab dia kata kepala dah nak keluar dah tu nak try lagi skali apanya kang sampai kesudah tak keluar. Dia siap tarik tangan I suh i pegang kepala baby. I yang tgh lalok ni cam wehh I da bebetul push lah, nak apa lagi. Emo betul, dahlah sakit pastu lalok pulak tu. Alex pun kat sebelah non stop bagi motivational support push push push. Ugh I rasa cm asal susah sgt nak push ni. Last last ada 4 orang datang masuk and tolak perut I while I push. Keluar kepala, another push untuk keluar badan & another push untuk keluar uri, Maka, lahirlah baby girl I pukul 6.12pm, 18-Nov.

The feelings? LEGA SANGAT bila da keluar tu. SO SO SO tired & lalok. Bila dia letak baby atas dada tu, kan orang slalu cakap rasa sakit tu hilang kan. Hm I think for a few secs je kot because it still sakit. Haha. Alhamdulilah, mommy & baby selamat walaupun mommy tak reti push & blur. The best moment for me is bila Alex azankan baby. My feelings was undescribable. Terharu sangat. MY. TWO. PRECIOUS. PEOPLE. & rasa bersyukur tu membuak buak sangat at that time (until now).

Lepastu, Alex kene keluar dah while nurse jahit. I kene la gunting sikit (or banyak idk) & jahit. Nurse tu jahit sambil letak baby atas dada I. Tenang lak bila ingat balik moment tu. Hee dalam pukul 7.30 kot baru la siap & masuk wad balik. Tapi sadly Alex dah kene balik dah sbb visiting hour is over.  He helped me to settle down with the baby then baru la dia balik.

I am so so proud of him for overcoming his fear of blood & helped me to go through the labour. Macam doktor dah dia kat situ dengan bagi semangat dengan tengok baby keluar takat mana and bagi semangat some more. Lepastu tolong I settle down and nyusukan baby for the first time sbb I noob and effect lalok tu overnight k guys. Sayang sangat!

So, that is how you were born, Ayra. Appreciate me & daddy later k? We love you nonetheless. Kelakar kan cerita beranak I? Sakit tu sakit, tp I found it funny. Kena l dengan reputation blur I kan? Lol. Terima kasih ya Allah, permudahkan segalanya and izinkan diri ini beranak di samping suami  tercinta. (I selalu doa ni, and HE LISTENS) Alhamdulilah. SO. VERY. GRATEFUL. Also, bersyukur sangat mama & ayah, my in laws, my siblings semua doakan I & tolong I di saat saat genting merengek sakit contractions semua bagi semangat semua tolong tenangkan I and always ada for me & Joe every steps of the way. Also also, my bestfriends yang doakan dari jauh & bagi tips dari jauh. you know who you are. Sayang semua sangat sangat!

I have more to write but Ayra is already crying. More stories & pantang time to share. (personally, for me pantang is the hardest of all). Till then, xxx.

27/12/17 5.20pm.

2nd & Third Trimester of First Pregnancy

Again guys, overdue post. (I da beranak dah pun hahahah)

Well anyway, my 2nd trimester was fine, as well as 3rd trimester actually. No more morning sickness anymore & get to enjoy the pregnancy a little bit more. (Cme to think of it, already missing it- especially the i-can-eat-anything part).

We sempat goes for another babymoon during my 2nd trimester in July, to Bali with my parents (to attend my mum's daughter's wedding). Me and Indonesia macam ada keserasian huh? Anyway, the trip was fun & the wedding, gosh dont get me started. The most grand wedding I've been. It was beach wedding, and such a beautiful ceremony. I'll put up some pictures later on. We also went sight seeing in Bali & I still prefer Jogja better. Haha. Lil one behaves and kicks a lot during the trip.Oooh and I finaly get to go night swimming with Alex. Got the whole pool to ourselves, yeah life is good.

Hmm apa lagi eh? Oh, i ate sushi (kinda first timer) & it does not taste so bad but still not my favourite. Wouldnt make it to my choices food haha. Dah makan baru orang bagitahu I, cannot eat raw food. haiyo luckily nothing bad happens. So that is for July.

August? We went to Genting Premium outlet, cuci mata sikit & Ikea meatball some more. Perut i still kecik this time around. Got so many people telling me how smal my tummy is (to a point I jadi risau ok). Mostly august I rasa banyk go for makan2 and fullfilling food craving kot? & weddings.Got my cravings of kek batik as well (ini je craving yg I ingat sangat).

August is also the month of loverboy's birthday! I didnt get to buy any cakes for him but I bought him tart with candles for him to blow. Aww my baby turns 27 this year! Not to brag but I know he LOVES his presents this year. PS4 guys. The looks when he received it, just pure excitement. AM I NOT A COOL WIFE OR WHATT? Haha! Okay maybe a bit bragging.

Moving on to September is the first time we saw lil one in 4D. OH. MY. HEART. FLUTTERED. I knew I already fall in love again with her even I havent yet able to touch her. So. Comel. Made me really eager to meet her. We actually went to 2 different clinic because mommy wasnt satisfied with the 1st one. The 2nd one is much better and we get a soft copy also. We did it at Klinik Jasniah, Bukit Beruang. Really recommended guys. Anyway, my baby bump has started to show at this time around and now looking at my bump's picture, rindu lah pulak. Btw, H&M launched their beauty range this months as well, and mommy got few stuff (yes, happy). We also went back to Terengganu this month and babymoon (a bit) and went for a one day trip in kelantan. Actually, to buy lil one's sleeping nest and tilam kekabu (mission accomlished).

Approaching October, (towards my third trimester) I was again, admitted to hospital. Kali ni, hospital Melaka & it was a nightmare. I have a spot & clinic asked me to refer to hospital. Gosh my first time in public hospital wasnt a great experiance but totally shows me the real deal. PENAT GILA NASIB BAIK BUKAN BERANAK MASA TU. Sebab ramai gila orang kat situ and waiting for you turn is like...forever just get checked up. Bad experience for Alex as well. Nasib baik esoknya boleh balik. Alhamdulilah, lil one is okay, and mommy is ok also (minus the trauma). She continued to kick a lot in my tummy (how I missed that feeling i my tummy).

Apa lagi eh yang jadi before due date? Oh went for antenatal class in KL and straight to JB to work there (bye Melaka). Yeah I'll be permanently in JB after this. Joe got promoted (congratulations baby, always proud of you). Detail of the promotion is not to be shared here hahaha, Anyway, so start balik LDR dengan Joe until my due date 16-Nov. Almost 4 weeks jugak lah LDR ni. Whenever Alex came, we will go for makan2 & just enjoy the pregnancy a bit more (when he's with me). He will starts his leave on 15-Nov & we keep on guessing bila la baby nak keluar haha. And she's a daddy's girl ok? She waited for daddy to start cuti baru nak keluar. I managed to work until my water broke (which I will write in another post).

So I guess that is all? My first pregnancy journey was beautiful. I am forever grateful to have the opputurnity to carry a life inside me & getting all the support I need to go through it. Thank you Allah. These chapters of my life was an eye opening. Alhamdulilah alhamdulilah alhamdulilah. YOU ARE THE BEST PLANNER OF ALL. Everything that has happened throughout these 9months, semua ada hikmahnya tersendiri. It is just so beautiful.

27/12/2017 4.14pm
xoxo, till then.

My long due first trimester

Goshhhhhhhh I am actually already ‘menunggu hari’ to pop! It has been so freaking long with no updates? Seriously, I’ve been meaning to write about my 1^st trimester, 2^nd trimester & well so much more obviously. But… I cant seems to commit… Apologizing to myself because, I’ve promised. 

Anyways, I still want to write a short (or maybe not) entry about all my trimester & what has been happening in my life these past, urm 8months? Definitely going to make many blog entry but maybe not all in once. Or maybe.. I don’t know yet when lol.

Here is to what happened in April – June. Well, my 1^st trimester you guys. Not a honeymoon trimester, for summary. Thinking back, I can’t believe that I (we) managed to go through all of that. I had a terrible morning sickness right after our trip to Cameron Highland. Oh wait, let me write about my babymoon in Bandung with the in laws & short trip to Cameron Highland just because.

Our little one, had the privilege to be in my tummy and exploring Bandung with the in laws in April. We didn’t manage to explore much because of Bandung’s school holiday and traffic are massive. Also, we went with family members, so we didn’t really get to do our usual stuff of ‘lasak’activities. It is more like shopping & walking around in Bandung. Truth to be told, I love Jogja more than Bandung. So glad I didn’t exactly get any morning sickness or uncomfortable experience during the trip. It was all smooth & I hope the little one is happy just like mommy & daddy.

We went back feeling all happy and energetic that we decided to continue our babymoon to Cameron Highland. Loverboy is the best! Secretly loving how pampered I was during my pregnancy journey. That was our perfect getaway before I experienced a very VERY bad morning sickness till the point that I was hospitalised & bed ridden. Also, working from home for 2 months & being apart from my soulmate. Gosh…WHAT LA KAN?

Yeah, it was so bad that I was hospitalized for two days. I keep on vomiting till I have no energy & cry like a baby. I pitied loverboy for having to take care of me & working at the same time but I really can’t take it that time. It is like I have no control over my body. Anyhow, I thanked Allah for lending him as my spouse as he took REALLY good care of me without complain. Little one, you’re going to thank daddy also when you’re out okay? 

After hospitalization, it does not get better & came to a point that I cannot concentrate at work and the need to constantly go into the bathroom. In that particular time, I really feel the bond with the bathroom hahahah. Jokes aside, we decided it is best for me to go back to JB until morning sickness passed. Since loverboy is working and cannot constantly watch over me 24/7, he sent me back to JB so at least there is people to watch over me. 

Alhamdulilah, aside from all of this, my workplace (manager & colleague) are SO UNDERSTANDING THAT I CAN WORK HOME YOU GUYS! Kalau tak, sure I kene berhenti kerja, (yeah, that bad). I feel like there’s blessings in every hardship. I acknowledged, and I am grateful. 

Not to stop there, loverboy had a bad fever to the point that he gets hospitalised also in JB for 2days. Yeah, he complained about hospitals. He rarely gets sick, so when he does, alahai kesian baby love kita ni. But alhamdulilah, not dengue and anything worse. Just maybe he’s been too tired. I didn’t get to teman him at the hospital because I am not that well myself but I try my best to be there for him. And yay, he’s good now. Been good till now hehe.

The rest, well LDR lah apa lagi. He will come back during weekend to see me, and in the weekdays I still work at home and my parents will watch over me. If I remember correctly, I cannot eat oily food, cannot smell cooking stuff, so lazy to go out. Like I said, no control over my body. Even so, my little one remains healthy inside, which is a good thing. All we wish for is for you to grow healthy & happy inside.

Even during my birthday, we were apart tau. So. Sad. He got the opportunity to support recruitment in Vietnam so there he goes during my birthday. I am so proud of him anyways so it is okay. Remember, I am his biggest supporter & perky cheerleader princess? (Sure, I declared myself as one) hahaha. Rest assured, he did not forget me and even bought me presents of Swarovski ring which I really love and wore until now hehe. I still on my morning sickness anyhow, so its not like I can go ut much to celebrate. In summary for my birthday, all is good because all I want is him, and he’s mine. So.. whatever, I am good. 

I (WE) MANAGED TO GO THROUGH IT ALL BECAUSE WE HAVE EACH OTHER. YES WE DO. 

I really can’t do it without the support, the love from loverboy & my family & my in laws & my friends. Mostly, loverboy la as he always been patient during my pregnancy I can’t help but feel he is so perfect. Ye, tak ada siapa perfect dalam dunia tapi cukuplah untuk I cakap, perfect untuk I. I am so So SO blessed to have you, Zulhilmi Aziz. Eh lupa nak cakap, I managed to reach my berat impian weh during this time, 44kg! Tapi, datang sekali dengan sakit lah. Haha.

Oops, just like what I thought. Only a few paragraphs and I am already malas. Gila not commited kan? Later la I continue again & update about birthdays, puasa, raya, trimester and so much more! 

Till then! xxx

1/11/2017 5.58PM